Let's see. First order of business: Sab's Blog is history. I deleted it for a number of reasons. Mostly, it's because I really don't have any desire to blog about what I do in WoW. No one cares anyway. It's naive to believe that anyone playing a game that so encourages e-penis comparisons gives a crap about anyone else's thoughts about the said game, and thus I don't see the point. My reasons for playing WoW have changed recently. I'm not sure if it's for the better, for the worse, or if it doesn't really matter at all. I don't know, and it's really not that important. Three of the people that I enjoyed playing this game with the most have recently either quit playing or severely cut back on their playing. These are for reasons no more unexpected than simply real life giving them something more important to do right now, so I have no complaints or apprehensions about it. But that doesn't change the fact that my biggest reasons for playing WoW are now gone.

I never let myself fall into the trap that so many people do when they become addicted to an MMO. I never let the gameplay, the loot, the e-penis, or anything like that become the greatest and foremost reason why I played the game. Instead, I played it for the social aspect of it. Sometimes that has ended up being just as bad, however, because I can remember many a times when I stayed up way later than I should have doing nothing more than talking to a friend of mine in game. But, that's a moot point. The point is, I felt that I had a healthy relationship with this game because of the reasons for which I played it -- friendship. I likened my playing the game to going out to a club to hang out with friends, only this is in a virtual world with no bar tab.

Those reasons are now gone, because there is no one left with whom I have that kind of relationship. This all goes back to a few posts ago, when I described what I look for when I decide to truly call someone a friend. I'm going to re-list them here again, because this is important:

- We should have a few things in common, and enjoy talking about these things.
- We should feel comfortable sharing any kind of information, no matter how personal or embarrassing.
- We should feel that we can call, email, message, visit or contact each other in any way, any time we feel the need to do so, and not worry that we might be bothering each other.
- We should enjoy talking to one another, look forward to the conversations, and miss them when it's been too long since we've last talked.
- They should initiate conversation with me nearly as often as I initiate conversation with them.

Re-examining these points has helped me realize something, and this is going to be incredibly difficult to put into a cohesive sentence without babbling. I guess for starters, it's made me realize that I have become, and probably always will be, taken for granted. Most people don't give a shit that I am here every single night. They don't see the majority of the things I do correctly. They are the first to point out the things I do incorrectly. When things go well, I am treated to silence. When things do not go well, it's my fault. "You need more dodge." "Why are we doing this boss when we can do this easier boss?" "Why are you so stubborn and want to do it this way?"

I'm used to that by now. Doesn't bother me anymore. The trap that I've been letting myself fall into, however, is that I've been attempting to replace that which I've lost and the results have been hurting me more than they've been helping me. Trying to have the same conversations with the people I raid with that I have had in the past with these three friends of mine is never going to happen simply because there's no one in the guild who cares about ME the way those three do. Trying to find it has only left me feeling worse, because it's NOT THERE. Instead I'm left feeling like an outsider, feeling lonely, and with a sense of worthlessness. I certainly don't need any more of those, thank you very much.

Brad, Steve, and Mecca: I'm not writing this in an attempt to send you on a guilt trip. Don't think that. I simply have the need to state, out in the open, that sometimes it does bother me that a whole bunch of people don't give two shits about me even though I spend a few hours with them every single day. Sometimes it does bother me that they wouldn't give a shit if I disappeared tomorrow as long as there was another meat shield to step in and take my place so they could continue getting their precious little digital items.

Sometimes. But it's fleeting. I feel better already.

All that being said, I want to make it clear that I am not suggesting that I have no friends left in that game. That's just a silly thing to think. I've struggled with the next sentence long enough, so I'm going to simply assume that you understand where I'm coming from by this point, and that I shouldn't need to say anything else about it.

But, I guess there is one way to sum it up pretty well: It would be nice, once in a while, to sign on to "Hi, how goes it?", or "How was your day?", instead of, "What boss we doing tonight?" or "Can I raid tonight?".

A mixture of the two would also be perfectly acceptable =)

Gah. This took me way too long to write. I'm too tired to even proofread it.