Ah, a new year...

Time for reflection on the things that happened these past 364 days, and strive for a more prosperous and peaceful world......



Yeah, you go ahead and do that. Meanwhile, I'll be getting shitfaced. Party starts in 2 hours.

PGA Tour........OWNED

I won two PGA tournaments in a row now -- Troon North and Kapalua. Next up.....Pebble Beach.

Where the hell have I been?

Eh, around. I've been addicted to Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2006, been playing that for hours on end leaving little time for much else. Then when I'm not doing that, I'm watching some of the new DVD's or reading some of the new books I got for Christmas. So, being online has come down to only looking for downloads and that's it.

Now I think I need to go give Stubbs the Zombie a try -- what could be more fun than playing a computer game where YOU'RE the zombie?

The fat bastard in the red suit went overboard again...

Crazy son of a bitch, look what he did to my tree!


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

The gift that keeps on giving...

So as most people know by now, because my mother is quite insane and takes on waaaaaay more than she can handle during the holiday season, I'm constantly helping her out with various holiday tasks. One such task is helping in the baking of the Christmas cookies.

The ones that I make are the nut rolls, the peanut butter balls, and the lady locks. This year, however, she took the lady locks off of her cookie list, which made me very happy because I hate making (and eating!) those gross mother fuckers.

However, unbeknownst to me, my asshole of a brother-in-law (I mean that in the most loving way possible. He *is* my drinking buddy after all) really pissed on that parade. Someone where he works wanted lady locks, so he talked my mother into making a batch. Which meant I had to fill the fuckers.

So, given that fact, I decided I needed to give him a REALLY, REALLY special Christmas present, to let him know exactly what I thought about that. Click the link below to see said gift. However, I will warn you ahead of time: the gift is a 8x10 picture of my ass.

If that's not something you wanna see, I would suggest you skip clicking the link. Really. I'm serious. It's a picture of my ass, for Christ's sake.

http://www.pastatdude.com/blog/ass.jpg

Tis the season to be drunk...

A lot of people ask me why I feel it needs to be tradition for me to get fucking wasted over the holidays. While most of the time I simply tell them, "Because I want to get fucking wasted, what other reason do I need?", that is not entirely accurate.

One of the reasons is, that because every member of my family is quite insane, I *NEED* to be fucking wasted. After I get through the days leading up to Christmas, I need to just numb my brain to the point where I don't know what the fuck is going on, because I'll enjoy myself much more when I do that.

Every year, someone (if not EVERYONE), in my family throws a hissy fit over some small, MEANINGLESS detail, and it's usually up to me to bring them to their senses and calm them down so that the holiday can continue cosily. Most of the time, it's my mother that throws the hissy fit, because she is much more insane than anyone else in my family. (Which provides even further evidence to my suspicions about being adopted.)

I'm not going into details on what exactly happened, and it doesn't even MATTER what happened, because it was so fucking stupid it's not even worth talking about. All that matters is that I fixed it, and now pouring myself a large glass of Captain Morgan's.

The holiday has officially begun.

People are stressin' out...

I went to Wal-Mart after work today to get some things I'll need for the weekend, and it's good to see that the holiday is starting to get to everyone. Mass hysteria!

I will admit, though, that people seem to be remaining pleasant with each other -- and they're using Merry Christmas. (The SHOPPERS, not the workers.)

Then, there are the check-out people. The one I had this evening must really, really hate her job, because she wasn't happy at ALL. She put my bottle of Formula 409 in a bag, and set it on top of the bagging apparatus. I leave it sit there for several seconds, and she goes, "See, this is how it works, you take the bags I put there and I'll put the next one up."

I look at her like she has a cock on her forehead, but oblige and put this bag THAT HAS 1 FUCKING ITEM IN IT, and I put it in my cart. Next, she packs three sweaters and two pairs of jeans into a bag, and sets that up. I go to take it, and she nearly slaps my hand and goes, "I'm going to put more in that one."

I had a 20 lb. jug of kitty litter in my other hand. She's very lucky I didn't clock her with it.

Ohh Baby Baby

I'm quite ashamed that I know this is "Push It" by Salt 'n Pepa.

More proof...

Yet more evidence towards my theory that I must be adopted.

I was visiting my grandmother at the nursing home Sunday morning with my mother, and for once my grandmother was actually in the land of the living -- awake and smiling. So, my Mom wanted to take her picture with her phone and send it to my brother.

She turns on the camera and points it at my grandmother, and goes, "I can't see anything!"

So I take the camera, look, and I can see just fine. "It's fine." I say, and hand the phone back to her. She looks again and she's like, "I still can't see anything!"

I look over, and then yell, "YOU HAVE YOUR FINGER OVER THE DAMNED LENS!"


Yep. Adopted!

Peripheral Vision

Can you tell from the title that I've just finished watching the 40 Year Old Virgin?

So I was in a restaurant yesterday. Okay...I lied...it was McDonald's.

Anyway, I'm sitting at a table eating breakfast and reading the paper. (Damn, I sound all mature and businessman-like after saying that. Allow me to add that I was reading the FUNNIES.) I noticed that there were these 3 chicks sitting about 10 o'clock from where I was, in a booth. I could tell by using my peripheral vision that they were around my age (probably younger), and very good at making themselves look hot.

Two of them were sitting together in one side of the booth, so their backs were to me and I couldn't get a good look at them. The other one was sitting across from these two, so her face was pretty much visible to me. Now, all of you who have had the following happen to you, please raise your hand.

Purely by reflex, I eventually looked over right at her.....as casually as possible. She was looking back at me at that EXACT moment, and we both do one of those "OH MY GOD LOOK AWAY QUICKLY BEFORE SHE/HE NOTICES!"

I didn't even have enough time to comprehend what she looked like. =(

The 12 Hours of Christmas

To hell with 12 days of Christmas. If the holiday was any longer than a day, I'd be dead from alcohol poisoning. So I thus present PD's 12 Hours of Christmas.

On the first hour of Christmas, the poop fairy brought to me.....a very gross taste in my mouth when I wake up around 9:00 AM after the Christmas Eve party. I drink a 2 liter of ginger ale, and a bottle of pepto bismol, and I'm good to go.

10:00 AM: Time for my first drink of the day (well, technically, my first drink since passing out earlier in the morning.) It's usually something of the wilderberry schnapps and 7UP variety, since my stomach still isn't 100%

11:00 AM: I open the goodies in my stocking.

12:00 PM: I'm wandering around the house waiting for people to get here so I can open my presents.

1:00-2:00 PM: Open presents!

3:00 PM: Open more presents!

4:00 PM: The room is starting to look awfully bright. The bottle of schnapps is empty.

5:00 PM: Dinner! And I've switched over to Captain & Coke. It's just not Christmas if I'm not spending some quality time with the Captain.

6:00 PM: Captain leftsh foer the day. No's worrie's tho cause I ahve a bottle of vodak.

7:00 PM: Mes and my brohter-ikn-outlaw areee goiiiing to pu;ty my mooom's new compouter des;k together.

8:00 PM: I gluesed my breother-in-law-and-order to the deskkkkkkkk, but he's point ed tt te TV so itssssssss ok

9:00 PM: Mhy thung ist shtuck inth the empthy vodthka bottle......buti it's aokay cauwse i can still breathe......nighty night..........


What I'm Listening To: With God On Our Side by Straylight Run
What I'm Playing: Age of Empires III
What I'm Watching: Naruto, Karin

Slippery when frozen...

If I'm going to slip on ice and fall on my ass, I'm going to do it when it matters -- or in this case, ALMOST slip and fall on my ass. Gotta love those icy sidewalks.

I was helping my Mom carry groceries into the house, and I was carrying a box of 5-dozen eggs. Yep, five dozen eggs. And I slipped on a patch of ice. Amazingly enough, I shifted my center of gravity just enough to put myself back on balance, and was able to save the eggs in an impressive juggling act. And of course, my Mom goes, "Are the eggs all right?"


Yeah, nevermind that your son nearly split open his skull on the sidewalk.

The 2005 PD Screenie Awards!

Well, it's near the end of the year, so I decided to compile a list of my favorite gaming screenshots for 2005 -- it's the Top 25, and they are joygasmic.

2005 PD Screenie Awards

I was right...

Yup, I'm addicted. It's not a pretty sight.

I entered the New World as Pharaoh PD of the Egyptian Empire, and build my glorious cities and lands into a force to be reckoned with. For this turn, I didn't go the route of Alexander the Great, where I tried to conquer the known world. Instead, I simply concentrated my efforts on the land that I had, building it up the best that I could. The result wasn't as good as I had hoped, and it's no one's fault but my own. (I'm not familiar enough with the nuances of the game yet to actualy build a super-power civilization.)

My diplomatic skills must be incredible though, because I never went to war once. I pissed off Spain a lot, and France really wasn't too happy with me either, but it never came down to invasions or all out wars. (Isabella was a fucking bitch, and Napoleon is a retard.) I think it's a cruel twist of fate that the game put France right beside me. Grr!


But, nonetheless, my PD-topia did well, though I found the number of turns to be too...short. I forget how many turns I had, but I finished up a turn in under an hour. Now that I have a better feel for the game, I'll be playing another turn and hopefully doing a better job at keeping my people happy. (They kept complaining that it was too crowded last time. Damn breeders.)

The one thing that I haven't figured out yet is how to develop more of the raw land within my borders. That's something I'll need to work on next time around too.

Then I'll declare war! Mwa-hahahahahaha!

I am a GOD among troubleshooters.

I'm feeling pretty good about myself right at this point in time, for I've just experienced quite a glorious moment. As you may or may not know, I've been having problems with a PC game by the name of Fable: The Lost Chapters. i couldn't even get past the opening logos on the game before it would crash completely. I would double click the icon for the game, get a black screen, then BAM. Crash and burn.

I went to the support site for the game -- which was made by Microsoft. There were a list of 15 possible reasons why my game might be crashing like this. I tried all 15 solutions and none of them worked.

Ever try to send microsoft an email for techinical support? It's quite a laughable experience, let me tell you. I needed the product ID to even get to the page where I could start sending them a message. To get the product ID, I have to open the program. I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE PROGRAM, THAT'S WHY I NEED TO EMAIL YOU FUCKERS! Bill Gates can lick my pubes.

So, I *kind of* isolated the problem to being my VIA Bus Master IDE Controller. I wasn't totally sure that was what the problem was, but it was the only option left. I went to VIA's website to download the latest drivers for this hardware device. Guess what? Yep -- I couldn't load the driver page. VIA can also lick my pubes.

I visited lots of forums, searching for some geek that might have had the same problem as me, and had already figured out a solution. Nothing. All I could find was that the IDE controller had issues with Windows XP SP 2 (what I have). All the geeks in this world can also lick my pubes.

I was at my wit's end, ready to give up and just throw the game away. Or try to return it. But lo, I had a terrible idea. A wonderful terrible idea. I went to the executible file for the game, right clicked on it, went to the Compatibility tab, and clicked on Windows 2000 Capatiblity.

And the game runeth.



I am NOT a geek. I am the deity that overshadows all the geeks in the world as they lick the dirt off my sandals.

Ghost Images Work!

Back in September, when I did my bi-monthly PC wipe, I made a Norton Ghost DVD Image of my hard drive so that I could possibly save a lot of time when it came time to do another PC wipe. Well, it was time to test it out tonight, and the results were great -- everything worked.

So, now instead of sitting here for six hours reinstalling all my software, I'm already back up and running. Ghost images OWN.

*Poke Poke Poke*

It's come to my attention that some people are RELIGIOUSLY against downloading fansubs. So, I'd like to make a public announcement.


1.09923159179688 TERABYTES.


Thank you and good night.


This twisting of the knife has been brought to you by PD Doesn't Give A Flying Fuck What You Think.


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Am I a magnet for lower life forms??

Everywhere I go, I see stupid people. Is it me? Do I attract them? Do they flock to me like Robert Downey Jr. to a crack dealer? Or, is it just that a vast majority of the human populous is stupid?

Whatever the answer, here's the latest story:

I had to stop at Giant Eagle yesterday to get a case of Nestea. I should have expected some kind of stupid person attack, since the supermarket is just about the best place to find stupid people. I go to the back, find my case of Nestea, and then found a checkout lane with a small line -- only 1 person in front of me, and they were already getting their items bagged up.

As the chickie behind the counter scans the Nestea, and slides it down to the end of the counter, the bag boy says to her, "I smell funk." and then proceeds to stick his head into his shirt and sniff himself.

WHAT............THE....................FUCK!

Needless to say, I didn't really want him touching my Nestea. After the chickie slid it down to him, I attempted to intercept it, but he got to it first. Now -- it's a 12 pack of Nestea. You don't bag those. The LOGICAL thing for him to do would be for him to hand it to me. What does he do? He shoves it underneath the little pad thingy where you can lay your checkbook or whatever down to write on. So, to get my Nestea, I had to reach UNDERNEATH the thing and pull it out, while leaning over the damned counter so I could reach. I wanted to throw the fucking case at him after that, but that would have been a waste of perfectly good raspberry goodness.

Latest Addiction? Maybe...

I was talking to a guy at work today who said he would like to try Civilization IV -- the new Sid Meier game that came out recently. I had read about it, saw all the good reviews etc, and figured I'd like to try it too, so I looked for it. (Initially just to burn it for this guy.)

After I downloaded it, I installed it so I could test it to make sure it worked. After the intro movie had my jaw hanging down around my pasty white ankles, I knew that there was going to be a problem....

The intro started out in outerspace and then proceeded to zoom down to earth to show a MASSIVE army in what looked like ancient Roman era, followed by a whole SHITLOAD of battle ships on a sea (think Troy). It then zoomed through the lands to what looked like an Egyptian capital, where a new king was being crowned.

I need to play this.......

Server config files? OWNED.

I love how much of a LACK of information there is regarding config files in games. It's like the developer's are saying, "Well, if you don't know how to make a config file, you're fucked, we're not helping you."

Fine. If that's the way you want to play, bitches, so be it.

I got a list of all the commands in Counter-Strike source and picked the ones that I need. Then, I put these all into my own config file, and found out where to put the file on my own. (I actually had to make a new directory that didn't exist -- don't ask me how I knew what to name it.)

Yeah, so there's my big FUCK YOU to Valve. (Once again.)

Remind me again why I thought this was a good idea...

So my parents got one of their Christmas presents from me early this year -- new cell phones. I'll be regretting this until the next time I get them new cell phones. It's not so much of a problem with my Dad, he can pretty much figure everything out on his own and he's good to go. With the MOTHER, however, it's a bloody ho-ho nightmare.

Tonight she tried to text message me, and I get one BLANK text message, and 2 duplicates. Then, she wanted to find a good ring tone -- and she's like "I want a Christmas ringtone." Of course, to her dismay, her phone doesn't HAVE any Christmas ringtones. And the price to download ones from the site are ridiculous. She finally did find one she liked on her phone, though.

I don't have work tomorrow either, so I already can see what's going to be happening. Twice an hour I'm going to be getting one of those "How do I..." phone calls. Hopefully, since my mother works as the secretary at my brother's shop, she'll be driving HIM nuts all day long, instead of me.

*Crosses fingers*

The joys of public restroom facilities

I went to the mall yesterday after work to get some gift cards and just generally look around. I was surprised -- there were a lot of people around, but it wasn't the normal insanity that I had expected. (In other words -- there were people everywhere, but they weren't all in my way.)

As soon as I went up to the second floor, my stomach began telling me that lunch wanted out. Nothing new, perfectly normal event there, but I wish it wouldn't tell me in public places all the time. No matter, I quickly found the nearest bathroom -- in Kaufmanns.

Only took me about five minutes or so to...ahem...take care of business, and I was about to stand up when someone came into the bathroom. Now, I dunno if there's anyone else like this, but I'm not one who leaves a stall while someone else is around. (I'm sure women aren't like this -- I get the impression that they're quite social in the bathroom. But with guys, it's not like that, prolly due to the epidemic of homophobia that a lot of guys have.) Anyway, I just prefer not to have an audience as I'm exiting the stall, so I just wait until this guy leaves.

Well, as he's at the urinal, I hear him....."Oh yeah. Oh that's good. Oh yeah.......Oh. Yeah..."

I just keep telling myself, "He just had to piss REALLY bad. Yeah. Just had to piss REALLY bad!"

Ugh.

Where'd ya get that safe?

Right before I left work this afternoon, I read in the news that there was a mini-crime wave in the city -- apparently a few banks were robbed within only a few hours of each other. I found this humorous, but really didn't give it another thought at the time.

Then, about 20 minutes into my drive home, I pass a truck on the freeway that had a safe strapped to the back of it. I just about drove off the road from laughing so hard.

Wha!

So I went to my webdomain control panel to check out my disk space situation, bandwidth usage, etc, since I haven't done it in awhile. Well, I see a little link that says, "Your account has received a free upgrade." Free? I like free. So I click on it to see what exactly they were giving me for free. I had to pick myself up off the floor:

- Disk space increased from 2GB to 20GB
- Monthly bandwidth increased from 100GB to 750GB
- MySQL Databases increased from 10 to 30

Fook!